Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
