It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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