Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
cat food counts as protein by the way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
