You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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