So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
