I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm getting married
To pizza
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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