This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
