NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
