Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
