saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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