The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
