gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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