I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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