You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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