i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
