yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
