what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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