I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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