You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
