Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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