Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Randomize
