I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
