so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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