Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
