i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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