I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
