No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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