just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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