Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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