So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
