I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
