And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
