So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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