im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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