And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
