I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
