I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
