I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
