I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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