I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
