Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
