if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
