brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
