God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
