Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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