break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh god it's open bar.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
