Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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