just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
