Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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