Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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