You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
