Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
