cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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