Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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