No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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