____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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