i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
