i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
