Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
