Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize