And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
