I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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