i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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