i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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