I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
