I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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