One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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