you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
