anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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