I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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